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Going Down on a Woman

I wish I could promise you, like so many magazines do, that there is a “magic trick” that will “drive her wild.” Sadly, though, there is no cunnilingual bag o’ tricks that you can reach into and pull out that surefire technique. This is not to say that I’m just going to throw you out there into some dark, scary free-for-all… I just want you to be prepared. Pleasing a woman (or anyone, really) takes patience, openness, and most of all, a desire to have fun.

There are three very important things to remember when going down on your lady… even more important than where your tongue is when. First: communication. This lady is not like your previous lady and will not be like your future ladies. Everybody is different. So you have to be comfortable talking to her about what she likes, what she would like you to do, and how you can do what you’re doing differently to help her enjoy herself the most. I cannot stress this enough. If you cannot talk about sex to the people you are having sex with… well, when you think about it, that just doesn't make any sense, does it? Those are the people you should be able to talk with the most! Also, there are many women out there who feel uncomfortable receiving oral sex for various reasons that we won’t get into here (that’s a whole other article), so the more comfortable you can make your partner, the more you can make her understand that you truly are so psyched to lick her pussy, the more comfortable she will be and the more likely she will be to enjoy the whole event and even (possibly) have an orgasm.

Secondly: receptiveness. The only way you’ll know if your moves are working is if you pay attention to her body language, facial expressions (if you can see them), and vocalizations. Rhythmic moans or groans are good. The thrusting of her pelvis and hips into your face is good. Grabbing your hair is good. Pulling away or wincing–not good. Seems obvious, right? But sometimes we get so caught up in what we’re doing that we stop noticing what she’s doing. So start noticing. If she seems to like what you’re doing, keep doing it. If she becomes less enthusiastic, it’s not the end of the world… just try something else!

Third thing to remember: don’t be a reductionist. In other words, you are more than the tip of your tongue, and she is more than that little clitty nub. You can use your lips, your hands, your teeth (but be careful!!), your nose (like a firmer, more solid tongue!), your eyelashes… the list goes on. Seriously! Get right up in there. Rub her clit with your nose, stick your tongue in her vag, rub your lips up and down her lips, give her some eyelash kisses, suck on her labia, massage her vulva with your hands… who knew you had so many tools at your disposal! And even with just your tongue, there are so many options! You can flatten it for a nice, soft wet feeling, or you can point it for a more intense, direct lick. Remember, the more enthusiastic you are about muff-diving, the more into it she’s going to be. As far as her parts go, do not neglect her inner labia, her outer labia, perineum (’taint the ass… ), vagina, thighs, hips, butt, breasts, arms, knees… . It can get lonely as the receiver of cunnilingus, so try not to forget her non-vulva parts.

So, you’re well on your way, right? You’re going to communicate with her, preferably by asking yes or no questions in the heat of the moment (who has the mental capacity to think of long answers then?), you’re going to be receptive to her every twitch, and you’re going to remember that you are both full-bodied human beings with many sexy parts. So… what now? 

It’s a good idea to start slow. This goes with the non-reductionist theme, but don’t dive straight for her clit. That is a surefire way to get a kick in the head. Clits are sensitive, and they take a little while to warm up, just like the rest of a person. So start with kissing, breast fondling, general fondling… when you find yourself in the genital area, nibble on her thighs, lick that spot between her thighs and her labia, press your whole hand on her vulva, run your finger along her labia, your tongue, your lips… wait until she is squirming and moaning before you even think about hitting the clit. Even then, maybe you want to explore her vagina first. Stick your tongue in, swirl it around the opening. And finally, finally… try softly running your tongue up the length of her vulva and setting it to rest on her clit. Swirl it around softly, up and down, side to side- whatever she is responding to most. Increase in intensity over time if she’s into it… some women want more pressure and stimulation, while others prefer it soft. With a little dexterity, you can add a finger into her vagina if she’s likes that and even feel for her G-spot, which some women find to increase the intensity of a cunnilingus session. The key here is to have variety in your moves until she gets to the point where she’s rhythmically rocking into you, panting rhythmically, and seems to be nearing the point of orgasm. At this point, do NOT change what you’re doing… consistency is key for her to reach orgasm.

I know what you’re thinking… what do you do if you get tired? You get that strange pain in your tongue, jaw, and neck, and it stops being quite as fun for you, right? Well, there are a couple of things to consider here. First, if your girl is high up on the arousal scale before you start licking like crazy, you’ll probably have less of a chance of getting tired… simply in terms of time. Secondly, consider it a part of the variation we talked about… take a break and play with your hands on her clit and in her vagina, or use another non-mouth part of your face for awhile. It’s not cheating, I promise! Just make sure you’re ready for the home stretch at the end when you really do need to stay consistent! Thirdly, helping your lady relax and feel comfortable and at ease ahead of time is a great idea. Some women find they have a difficult time climaxing because they’re thinking of other things, or worrying about their partner, or are generally tense. The more you can rid the space of that tension, the less strain cunnilingus will put on you both.

It is important to remember though, even after all of these preparations and considerations, that women’s sexual responses can take awhile… but try not to think of it as a burden or a race to the finish, but rather a long, luxurious time for the two of you to get aroused and have a good time. And of course, we all know that orgasm shouldn’t be the “goal”, right? Because with goals come pressure and expectations, which leads to feelings of inadequacy (on all parts), which leads to anxiety and irritation, which leads to no orgasms. It’s a vicious cycle. So go into cunnilingus with no expectations other than to make someone else feel good and taste some delicious deliciousness, and everyone will have a good time.